Tuesday, September 13, 2011

my sisters

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. 
-Proverbs 31:25

As I reflect over all of the changes I've made in my life these past few months I cannot help but fall more deeply in love with the Lord as he bestows blessings upon my life and those wonderful people in it.

All of these changes have kept me busy and unable to post as much as I would like, and when I'm not busy I'm resting. Lots of R&R are needed. It keeps me stable, most of the time.

I love working with the kids even if it is completely exhausting, and trust me, it is.

What's been the most difficult for me, and I keep reflecting on this more and more, is my lack of time to spend with high school, who I adore engaging and working with because when I was their age my life changed completely.

All if took was an invitation from a friend to come to church, that was it, and because of this I came to know a Father that loves and calls all by name. I learned a story that is changing lives even today. I learned how to truly love others, and how incredibly hard it can be. I learned the important of grace.

So this sweet time of their lives that moves like a roller coaster knocking you to your feet sometimes. I want to help be apart of that, but how?

Well a few weeks ago I started on this wonderful study by Beth Moore called So Long, Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us (if you know nothing about me know this, I love me some Beth Moore studies).

The magnitude of what this study as done for me, is wonderful, and I am still in the beginning. It's impact is for one single reason: for the first time, I am coming face-to-face with the big, scary monster called insecurity. That's a pretty big step for me.

As I worked in it I began to realize just how important two things are:
1) bible studies, because it's hard to digest and understand the Word when you aren't studying it.
2) GIRL TIME, surprisingly nothing else works so well in my life than to be able to talk to people who relate to me. (The amazing man in my life, Jonathan, can relate to me because he is, and always will be, my best friend. However, there are some things that a little girl time can do for me, that he can't. I expect the same in reverse.)

My girlfriends, my wonderful sisters in Christ, love and care for me so deeply (as I do them) that they give me the hard truth. The truth that I avoid. The hard stuff. They are wonderful enough to pick it off the ground, shake off the dusk and remind me just how significant my purpose is.

So here was my proposal, a high school ladies bible study. I wanted other perspectives, other issues that you have to face when it comes to.. insecurity. (I'm starting to resent the word, just a tad.)

It helps that I had a lot of fun creating the invitation for it --

As I began working in So Long, Insecurity, it really spoke to me and the heaviness of insecurity when it's on your heart. It's just too much to handle sometimes and it can take the drivers seat in your own life when you let it affect you.

When did it start? For myself it really started to control my life in high school and sadly, I let it. I'm such an emotionally driven person that it took my life on a completely different path than I would have ever chosen for myself, but that's the catch, I didn't chose it. My insecurity did.

I still feel insecure sometimes and can let that distract me from my faith, or even worse effect my faith, but that's why I knew I needed to pick up the book. I need a better understanding of my lack of self-esteem. I need some sisters to help too. As much as I would like to try to attempt to do things on my own, my stubbornness wills this on it's own, I can't. I need my sisters and I need God. There's no other way to it.

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