I think it's really easy to get lost into what your family believes and just accepting that, without taking a good hard look yourself, and find out what makes you compassionate, makes you ticked, and what you're facing when you fight the good fight of faith (2 Timothy 4:7). It's really easy to get lost in all of it and just give up. Most people do, because they don't want to have to decide.. they just want to "live". Unfortunately though, when it comes to faith, if you're serious, there are choices that have to be made.
Choices that, for some, can become so overwhelming that it pushes them away. Deciding on who you want to be, however, is a fact of life. What kind of person you become will, inevitably, follow you for the rest of your life -- obvious enough, right? Well, not for everyone. I think it just becomes avoidable for most. Some have this idea that if they just blend in, do what's "normal" that they will be the happiest, most comfortable.
Once you've made the choice to not be lukewarm (Rev 3:16) and really take your life and make something of it that involves bringing glory to a God that truly loves you, who crafted you specifically for His will, His will that makes everything come together, you have something else to be faced with.
This something is what I've come to understand, as overstated as it is, you really cannot expect (or think you have earned) the right to happiness. Sounds a little depressing, I know. For myself, I overestimated myself and anytime that something didn't make me happy I began to question whether or not I was living in His will, like really underestimating His greatness, a big mistake.
It gets really tough to be in a "rut", I guess you could say, when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, and yet it feels so far away. That's where I'm at right now. Almost every aspect of my life is in this "waiting game". It sucks.
I've had so many ups and downs this past few months, it's been so hard. In the midst of those hard times I questioned, "Am I supposed to be here?"
I need a change of perspective.
I'm here for a reason, so what can I make of this? How can I use this to glorify Him?