My flower is wilting.

Currently Losing Sleep Over - 

Believing God by Beth Moore

Lilian, the Peace Lily, that resides in my room in a beautiful vase, is dying.
How, you may ask? I have not the slightest idea.


I water her all the time, make sure she's just far enough away from the window just like Google informs me. I have followed all instructions, and yet the browning wilts her beautiful silky, white petals.

This got me thinking.
Is this how my walk with Christ can be? Can you completely miss Him? Despite your attempts  by making all the steps, if your heart isn't in it -- will you miss it?

This scares me.

Not because my heart is not in it. It's the other things in my life overwhelm my time. Silly things, that I cannot change. How in the midst of these mandatory, waste-of-time things, can I give glory to my Lord?

As a daughter to the King, I should be growing and soaking in the water. My roots should be clinging to His glory, not the earthly soil, but His love.

 Quiet time is going to be necessary this summer, as I mentally prepare for Honduras, camps, and just activities where I surround myself with teenagers in desperate need of growth. This is their time to do it, and it is mine as well.

It doesn't make me feel 'less' as a mentor to them, but more of a partner in crime. Where we can all take steps together to just surround ourselves with Him, and that we may be His hands and feet. Serving him, that's what I feel my call is. Serve. 
There are areas of my life that, when remembering I am His daughter, make me want to burst into tears. How am I even close to being worthy of Him?

Which is why Beth Moore is my mentor. The book I am currently reading Believing God answers the questions of doubt when you think, He cannot be listening to me right now with all the other disasters around the world. Why hasn't He filled His promises to me? Why am I even bothering?
Which, let's face it, is a thought every one has at some point. But it just reminds me what He does not owe me, but what I owe Him.


Now as I sit here and think, all I am wondering is how can I use ugly parts of my life to serve Him? How can I take my ugly sides and let the Holy Spirit work within?
This is when I crack open the Word, and remember He is alive and here. Even when I cannot always feel Him.
Then again..
The fact that He glorifies in me, makes His presence that much more present. 

{Sorry, I cannot remember where I got this picture}

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.

John 1:1-5